Back in May a conversation with a few friends set in motion what may be my defining event of 2022. I’ve known both of these guys since college, and they both have ADHD. One made a comment to the effect of, “and we all have ADHD too.” I replied “well y’all do at least, I’m just a spacecase.” My two friends went on to explain that they’d always been sure I had ADHD too, and didn’t know I wasn’t diagnosed or treated for it, and suggested I get tested. After talking it over with my wife, I decided to get tested. It didn’t happen quickly, of course. Getting anything scheduled in the American Healthcare System is a chore, but after a few office visits, multiple choice exams, and zoom calls, it was official. I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD at 34. What a trip.
I’ve been taking adderral daily for about a month now. The first few days were intense. I built an entire aquarium system from spare parts the first day because my 10″ and 12″ plecos weren’t getting along and needed to be separated. To be fair, I’d been putting that off for a few months, so I’m glad I did it. But I had a lot of other things planned for that day. Now that I’m more used to it, that urgent mystery motivation from the first week doesn’t come through but simply starting work every day doesn’t feel like scaling a wall. I can stick to one task at a time, start to finish. Unrelated ideas certainly still float through my head from time to time, but I don’t seem to drop what I’m doing and head off to pursue them anymore. It helps with numerous smaller things as well. Driving, reading, sorting bills, keeping the kitchen in order. Is this what being “normal” is like? Doing one thing at a time may sound both reasonable and trivial to the 5 people who end up reading this, but it’s a profound change from how I’ve bounced and tumbled through life thus far. With all that said, however, I must admit I still lose my keys and shoes quite often.
If you ever frequented my shop on S Broadway and got the sense that I was flying by the seat of my pants, I now know that you were right. There were always no less than 3 half-finished projects on display throughout the store. It wasn’t that I hadn’t had time to clean up before I opened the store. The store being a mess wasn’t even a problem I was avoiding. It was a non-issue. This seemed normal to me. It’s how I’ve always lived. I lost track of how many times I’d be talking to a customer and suddenly bolt towards the sound of splashing water because I’d walked away from a running hose to greet them a few minutes before. Guaranteed I told myself, “don’t forget this hose is on,” while letting go of the hose, and it had left my mind by the time I’d asked, “Welcome, how can I help you?” If you ever experienced things like this and came back anyway, I truly appreciate it!
Lastly, if any of this feels familiar to you, consider getting tested for ADHD yourself. If you’ve been called a space case, an airhead, or lazy your whole life, but swear you’re trying your best, this could be you. If you daydream, constantly have music in your head, or lose track of your belongings most days of the week, this could be you. ADHD isn’t just bouncing off the walls, being hyper or extra. The storm, the static, the noise, can all be internal too.